"He's kind of an imbecile. This is the triumph of ignorance.  But America gets what it deserves.  I think it's very funny that a man with such a low intellectual ability is President.  His mother pushed reading to every other child in America but her own."
-- Saint (George) Carlin, commenting on Prez Dubya Bush

August 2004

Got an itty-bitty penis?  Drive a Hummer?  They go hand-in-hand, you know.  And now you can actually adorn yourself with the stench of Hummer, further enhancing the illusion that you actually have something down there worth speaking of.  That's right, now they're making their own cologne...spray it on and watch the chicks snicker!

Finally, GlaxoSmithKlineWhatever is bowing to pressure to put all of their drug data online, not just the stuff that makes them look good and sell more products.  Yes, some of their antidepressants do make people more suicidal.  Isn't that lovely?  They feign innocence, but the most remarkable part of this story reads:  A key to Spitzer's case was an internal 1999 Glaxo document showed that the company intended to "manage the dissemination of data in order to minimize any potential negative commercial impact."  Does anyone still believe that these big pharmaceutical companies aren't inherently evil?  When it comes to consumer safety and full disclosure, they rank right up there with the cigarette companies.

This guy has way too much time (and money) on his hands...he's buying up dozens of Democrat-related web domains and pointing them all towards George Bush's website.  Yeah, that's gonna change peoples' minds and hearts about how they want to vote.  These domains will all be useless after the election, regardless of who wins.  Happy spending, moron.

Oh, this is delicious... Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian.  Now, most reasonable & understanding parents of gay sons & daughters find it difficult to support discrimination against them (not all, unfortunately).  Cheney is in the awkward position of having to support whatever arcane laws Bush wants to enact to uphold discrimination against homosexuals, but his daughter is gay...so he has to keep his own feelings about it private.  But the one time he speaks publicly against this stupid anti-marriage amendment, his own party roasts him alive.  This is what happens when you align yourself with intolerant people and you decide to voice a differing opinion.  Too bad he's too afraid to voice these principles more publicly, but it would create a division in the campaign so he's mostly keeping it to himself.  Enjoy the heat, Dick.

So Bush finally bows to pressure by the Kerry camp and condemns certain ludicrous and vicious anti-Kerry ads.  But of course he took his sweet time, letting them trash and smear Kerry with their questionable "facts."  What good is your weak denouncement now, Dubya?  Nobody believes for one second that you're against these ads...if you really cared, you would have spoken up right at the beginning.

Another story from the Dept. of Religious Claptrap.  So this little girl is deathly allergic to gluten, which is found in communion wafers.  Does the church allow a substitution?  Does the church make any effort to understand her problem?  Does the church stop to consider that maybe God doesn't care what's in the wafer, but rather is more interested in her desire to worship the best she can?  We're dealing with religious rules manufactured by people in the name of God...if you don't agree with Law #39X8473-B on page 845 of Volume IX of the Catalogue of Holy Laws and Stuff, you're just plain out of luck...start packin' your bags for Hell or Purgatory or wherever we think you're going to go.  Why?  Because we said so.  Who has time for God when we're busy following rules & regulations?  Now, kneel and open your pocketbook.  Good girl.

So Senator Kennedy was "accidentally" put on the federal no-fly list...twice.  Well, it seems to me that if this was some sort of accident, it wouldn't have happened twice.  Maybe he really shouldn't be flying...who knows?

Hooray for tax cuts!  Too bad we didn't get one.  Another burden for the rich to bear, I suppose.  How can you Bushies possibly vote for this kind of crap?

Heeeeerrrre we go again, another warning about the omnipresent Al-Qaeda threat.  Now they're going to poison your medications, oh no!  What's next, poisoning the popcorn butter at your local cinema?  Anyone can tamper with meds, it's happened before (and not by terrorists).  Notice how they only warn that imported drugs could be affected...not U.S. manufactured ones.  Hmmm, isn't it interesting that the FDA wants to keep cheaper versions of drugs out of the U.S. to protect our price-gouging pharmaceutical companies...and now we have this "warning" about poisoned imported drugs?  I think I smell...wait...is it?  Could it be...?  Yes, I think it is...the smell is unmistakable...  Good ol' USDA Prime Government Bullshit, mmm-mmm!

Once again, people are turning to technology as a way to commune with God...and, as a result, further separating themselves from God.  Now people are emailing prayers to temples and receiving text-message blessings on their cell phones, and they actually seem to think that this is going to bring them closer to the Divine.  I don't care what version of God you worship, but if you can't be bothered to sit quietly and actually give your chosen deity a moment of your time, maybe you ought to just drop your charade and admit that your religious convictions pretty much a fashion accessory.

Bush stuck a foot in his mouth yet again recently while commenting on tribal sovereignty.  "Tribal sovereignty means just that; it's sovereign. You're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity."  Oh, so we gracefully gave them sovereignty, hmmm?  That's not how the American Indians view things...but we can't expect Bush to actually know anything about what he's commenting on.  He's just he President 'n' stuff.

I only found this little story on the BBC News, and (of course) on Michael Moore's own site.  Isn't that interesting?  He's got interview footage of newly-appointed CIA director Porter Gross admitting that he's completely unqualified for a job with the CIA.  Seriously.  Why aren't more people reporting this?

Some people may disagree, but I think this is another case of the gay press overreacting to something that was probably just an off-the-cuff remark.  I don't think NFL sportsbot Terrell Owens was actually calling homosexuals rats.  We've all heard the saying "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck", right?  And we've also heard the saying "I smell a rat!" as well.  I think this guy was just getting his sayings mixed up.  But of course the gay press jumps on it and says he's attacking gays by calling them rats.  Jesus, people, lighten up and stop trying to victimize the rest of us.

When are more Republicans going to come out of the closet and admit that the latest Iraq war was based on lies and distortion of facts?  This guy did, but only during the last days before he retires.  Sheesh.

This is amusing:  Bush recently had to sit through a sermon on the evils of material wealth.  As a rich man with many, many ties to rich people who routinely pull his puppet strings, I'm sure he nodded his head in agreement many times while the minister spoke, pretending to agree with all that was said.  "Yeah, material wealth won't get me into Heaven.  Yeah, I know it's bad 'n' stuff.  MmmHmmm.  Amen to that!"  But his face probably had that blank, clueless stare which he wears so often.  In his head, "Steamboat Willy" was playing.  Mickey was whistlin' and spinnin' that ol' wheel, and everything was just so happy and carefree.  "That Mickey!  What a hoot!  Didja see that!  Heh-heh, that boy just makes me giggle every time.  What?  Yeah, I'm listenin'."

Further proof that popular country music is written for the lowest common denominator out there... Country-fried twit Charlie Daniels has basically called an entire group of people rag-heads with his song "This Ain't No Rag, It's A Flag."  What a clever rhyme, hyuk-hyuk!  (This is from the same album which features a song called "What This World Needs Is A Few More Rednecks.")  He delivers such deep, thoughtful lyrics as:  "This ain't no rag, it's a flag and we don't wear it on our heads.  It's a symbol of the land where the good guys live.  Are you listening to what I said?"  Yeah, I'm listening.  And what I'm hearing is the same old racism-sprinkled drivel that's been oozing out of the country music scene since 9/11:  we're the good guys who can do no wrong, all non-Americans are "bad guys", and we'll be painting the rest of the world with broad strokes for years to come, right?  'Cause we're America, the center of the universe.  And his statements on this matter indicate that he just can't understand how this attitude can be insulting and offensive...he claims to be targeting only certain people, but his lyrics say otherwise.  Well, the world is filled with enough hate...please keep your inbred, xenophobic tripe to yourself, asshole.

Dear God, help us... We are truly in Disney Branding Hell.  Now Disney is selling its own PC, complete with *shudder* mouse ears.  Oh yeah, and content-filtering software so you parents out there can give Disney full control of what your kid can see.  That's what Disney is here for, after all:  to entertain and control.  I wonder if they allow Disney-related pop-ups and banner ads...ya think?  On a fun side note, one of Fox's crackpot hosts decided to ream Disney president Robert Iger about Disney's "Gay Days" in the middle of an interview about this new PC (thanks to Alec for sending this one along!).

This is one of the cleverest activist-geek things I've seen in a long time.  This guy rigged his bicycle with a wireless-connected laptop and a homemade sign-writer for the sidewalk.  People can send him text messages which will then "print" out on the pavement like a giant dot-matrix printer.  Check out the original link for a photo.

What does the government do when a company which manufactures a popular AIDS drug decides to more than quadruple its price?  Oh, nothing.  Why should they care?  It's just people dying, that's all.  They have more important things to worry about, like fighting a fictitious drug war and warning America about phantom terrorists lurking in the shadows.  Apparently, fear and corporate greed is more important than helping people live longer.

Anti-Bushies are having lots of fun with his latest dumbass remark.  Yeah, he put his foot in his mouth yet again by saying exactly what he doesn't mean, and we know he's not really looking for more ways to harm our country.  Right?  Right??

Better watch out the next time you decide to eat a candy bar, 'cause you just might get thrown in jail for it.  We as vigilant Americans will NOT tolerate terrorist candy bar eaters.

OK, now this is downright terrifying:  gargantuan fat chicks stampeding into shops and intimidating the poor staff with their sheer girth while their cohorts shoplift.  Unbelievable.  I guess it's time to start keeping a cattle prod behind the counter along with the pistol.

People still slam the French for whatever reason, but any country that decides to start clearing some of the crapfood out of its schools with broad strokes is all right with me.

This was on Drudge Report for only a couple of hours before it was yanked, and now I can't find it on his website anywhere, even in the archives.  I'm glad I saved a copy so I could track down the original URL on the White House website again.  Anyway, this memo from Prez. Bush authorizes the sale of weapons to Iraq.  That's right...we blew the living shit out of their country, installed a puppet government, and now we're going to arm them.  Didn't we sell arms to Saddam Hussein years ago before blowing the shit out of Iraq the first time?  Why, I think we did.  Even if we didn't, why is it our job to do this sort of thing in the first place?  We shouldn't be giving weapons to anyone, period (especially in the Middle East, considering all the militant groups which would love to get their hands on them).

What?  Our government is getting in the way of marijuana research?  You don't say!  Yes, it's been a long-standing policy of our government (no matter who is President) to ignore the suffering of millions of people and put up roadblocks in front of anything that might help them if it involves this little herb.  People still have this ignorant impression of marijuana as an evil plant from hell which will take over the world if it ever gets loose...oddly enough, I know lots of people who use it recreationally all the time and it doesn't affect them in any adverse ways.  Funny how that works, isn't it?  And while the government does grow a little bit for research purposes, it's hopefully weak...that way they can say "See?  It has no medicinal value whatsoever!"  Well, no shit!  That's like diluting a dose of cough syrup with a gallon of water hoping for some marvelous effect.  It ain't gonna happen.

On another pot-smoking note, notice the hysterical alarm with which the national Drug Czar refers to our local "explosion" of potent marijuana ("BC bud").  He makes it sound like people are rolling joints of crack cocaine up here.  But that's his job:  fear and control.  Amusingly, the folks at Harborview Hospital (with whom he was visiting recently) contradict him by saying they're more worried about abuse of alcohol and "all drugs" instead of focusing just on this herb.  Yes, alcohol...it's a DRUG, Mr. Drug Czar.  It's a commercially-available addiction which destroys far more people in this country than pot.  And it makes a lot of money, which is why it's legal.  If you're going to allow the sale of alcohol, which makes people violent and depressed (unlike pot, which just makes them relaxed and hungry), then something's amiss.

Here's a case of Republicans and Democrats being twits together in harmony.  When Gov. Ah-nuld called the Dems "girlie men", the Dems completely overreacted and accused him of being homophobic and sexist.  Huh?  Arnold didn't say the Dems were flaming, nelly, queeny, limp-wristed sissy faggots.  He essentially tried to call them wimps by using and old SNL joke which was based on a caricature of him.  Didn't these knee-jerk Dems ever watch SNL in the 80's?  Of course they did, and they got the joke, but they wanted to attack him back in a nastier way.  I'm not defending Arnold, but I think the Dems could have just accused him of using immature playground talk or something, not "sexist homophobia."

Freedom of speech?  Yeah, we've got that.  Just don't try to practice it anywhere near a pro-Bush rally, 'cause you might find yourself cuffed and harassed by police, like this couple did.  All they did was wear anti-Bush shirts (though I must admit their shirts' slogan seems intended only to provoke).  Sure, they're free now, and the charges have been dropped.  But the fact that they were harassed to begin with is outrageous.

So!  The Senate came to its senses and refused to amend the Constitution to discriminate against homosexuals who want to marry.  As expected, pro-discrimination Republicans are freaking out and vowing to bring it back to the table in the future in a sneakier way.  The very fact that über-conservative Rush Limbaugh is getting a divorce should convince these people that marriage isn't the institution it used to be...but there is a group of people out there (homos like me) who have been denied the chance to marry their loved ones, and they take the right to marry very seriously.

This so-called artist named Jadakiss has a hit album right now, and the only reason he's getting any attention appears to be that one of the songs blames Bush for the bombing of the WTC towers.  When asked to explain his position, he now says "it's a metaphor" and he doesn't really believe Bush is responsible.  A METAPHOR??  For what?  Does this twit even know what a metaphor is?  I don't think so, according his comments:  "Bush should take the blame for the terrorist attack because his administration didn't do enough to stop it."  So...where does the metaphor part come in?  What does this or that represent?  Come on, Mr. Sudden Literary Device.  Let's hear you rap an explanation to defend your obvious cheap publicity stunt.

May 2004

When will Fox leave us homos alone?  Are they so bored with humiliating straight folks that they now have to turn their sights on us for a cheap ratings boost?  Their rumored new gay-themed reality show "Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay" is coming soon (if it hasn't been killed yet strictly on principle), and it takes exploitation of stereotypes to a seriously fucked-up new level.  I think it's time to start making some angry phone calls.

This is just too stupid for words.  This dumbass is actually vowing to destroy a turkey who scratched his precious gas-guzzling SUV.  "My vehicle just depreciated quite a bit.  But that doesn't matter. He'll be in the freezer soon."  Somebody please slap this guy and tell him to grow up, would ya please?

This is just too funny.  Beware the pink dinosaur!  Who says scientists have no sense of humor?

I sure didn't hear much about this in the news when it happened:  The General Accounting Office classified three videos produced by the Bush administration about new Medicare laws as PROPAGANDA.  That's right!  Imagine, propaganda coming from the Bushies!  Who knew?  Ho-ho!

Here's a great story about men and eating disorders.  People may not believe or admit it, but men do suffer body image anxiety as much as women do.  We're constantly told and shown what "real men" looks like, and how we need to look if we wanna be hot & sexy.  This is all defined by companies with a profit to make, of course, but we believe it anyway.

This widely-reported story was a shock, but of course the military defended its actions.  We can't possibly let an Iraqi wedding party slip by without dropping a few bombs and killing some innocents, can we?  The cake may have been a BOMB, for crissakes!!

Ahhh, the spirit of the sports world is alive and well in Pleasantville, NJ, where the coaches of a middle-school basketball team lured one of their players to a special awards banquet for a "special award"...which, of course, turned out to be a Crybaby Award, which publicly humiliated him to no end.  At least one of these asshole coaches has been fired since this was first reported...I hope they never coach (or teach) anywhere ever again.

So the parents of Spc. Lynndie England, who was photographed posing with abused Iraqi prisoners, deny that their daughter is responsible for any of this.  Well, of course they deny it.  Some parents can't imagine that their son or daughter could be such a callous person, but it really does happen.  You all have seen the photos...look at her!  Cig hanging from her mouth, big stupid grin on her face, hands pointing at prisoners' crotches...even holding a leash tied to a prisoner's neck in one shot.  Oh yeah, she was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, mmmHmmm.  Bullshit.  And lack of training is no excuse...you don't need training to tell when human beings are being abused, tortured, and humiliated.

April 2004

Think twice about taking your photos to Walgreens for developing.  Looks like their policy allows employees to censor your photos if they decide they aren't "appropriate" (especially if nipples are involved)...so you just might find your photos getting "lost", as these guys did.  Thank God that Walgreens is watching out for America's morals!  Unbelievable.  All the more reason to get a digital camera, I say...let these narrow-minded nitwits censor someone else's photos.  Thanks to my friend Sandro for sending this one in. :)

What?  The Army is letting rapist soldiers off the hook with minimal punishment?  They're lying and covering things up to save their own pathetic asses?  No way!

"Okay, like, our sorority is gonna give blood at the blood drive, right?  And, like, they don't want us to, you know, give blood if we've got, like, recent piercings and stuff, you know?  But, like, it's totally okay to give blood anyway, 'cause, you know, we're, like, a sorority and stuff, and we gotta win this contest no matter what!  Come on, girls!"  Absolutely amazing.  The fact that she sent out an email to 170 people is even more amazing.

OK, the "reality T.V. with a twist" thing has officially gone too far in its quest to humiliate people.  Enter Superstar USA, which pretends to be a talent search like "American Idol" but is in fact a cruel joke.  It's actually looking for the worst singers in the country...but the contestants (of course) don't know this until the winner is chosen, and he/she is finally informed that he/she is now officially the worst singer in the U.S.  Isn't that great?  Entertainment for the whole family!  Watch them lie and build up peoples' egos, only to stomp them into the dirt while raking in millions in advertising.  This is the lowest they've gone yet.

Why has Bush's camp removed 25 reports from its Women's Bureau website?  I don't know, but something smells...

So Nielsen Media Research starts using "people meters" to track what people are watching.  They claim it's their most accurate method of gathering viewer statistics yet, because it's on every T.V., VCR, and game console in the house.  So what happens when they suddenly show a sharp decline in viewership for shows featuring minorities?  They blame the devices!  Hey, Nielsen, why don't you look at the quality of programming instead?  Just because a show has an all-minority (or partial-minority) cast doesn't mean it's not a piece of crap.  A crappy show is a crappy show no matter who's in it, because everyone is at the mercy of scripting and storytelling...and if that sucks, everything sucks.  Everyone can see that television is full of badly-written throwaway shows, so don't blame the device for telling you the truth.

What, exactly, does it mean when your church minister brings out a rattlesnake during an Easter service, and the thing promptly bites him and he dies?  From a religious point of view, does it mean that God allowed it to happen in order to teach a lesson?  Does it mean that this minister wasn't filled with the Spirit enough to garner God's protection from the snake?  Or does it mean he was dumber than a box of hair?  Regardless of what version of God you believe in, we all have to agree that God sure knows how to entertain us.

Here's one more reason to recognize gay couples as a legitimate union.  Someone recently told me how great George Bush is, because she and her husband filed joint federal tax returns and they got a huge tax break.  So I said, "Wow, I'm glad you got a great deal...I, on the other hand, can't do that because I'm not a straight married man.  My partner and I (assuming I still had one) wouldn't have that luxury because we're being punished for being born the way we were."  That pretty much ended the conversation, I think.

Funny (and fitting) how, when people put "idiot" and "president" together in the same sentence, they automatically think of President Bush.  Take this clothing tag, for example...

Now, this is the kind of change we need in schools:  get rid of the junk machines, get rid of the fast food garbage in the cafeterias, and replace it with something that has some nutritional value.  Tell PizzaHut/Pepsi/Coke/McDonald's/TacoBell to piss off and take their corporate money elsewhere, because their money is no longer going to turn these kids into fat, miserable, unhealthy teenagers.

McDonald's is starting to squirm.  Now they're selling this Adult Happy Meal which consists of a salad, a bottle of water, and a pedometer.  Um, too little too, late, Ronald.  You've gotten America addicted to your crap, and now you want to try to do something good with a salad and a step-counter?  It's going to take more than that.  The name alone is probably enough to put most adults off...Adult Happy Meal just sounds childish, as if the company is talking down to adult customers like a parent to a child.  "Now, Billy, you just eat this Adult Happy Meal" and run along..."

The question this interesting article asks is:  "Is Barbie past her shelf life?"  Dear God, let's hope so.  50+ years of teaching little girls that the most important things in life are 1) perfect hair, 2) perfect body, 3) perfect house & car, 4) closeted boyfriend is far too long.  Of course, these Bratz dolls are hardly an ideal successor, with their scowling little attitude-stricken faces, but it's fun to see Barbie finally start her journey down the long, menopausal road of irrelevancy.

One more reason to hate spam and plot its demise:  it not only clogs your mailbox, but chances are that it's bugged.  Once you open one up, it will report back to its masters that your account is indeed active...and that means they can go ahead and send more spam.  So next time, don't read the stuff, just delete it and forget it.  (And turn off that Preview Pane in Outlook, for cryin' out loud!)

So Bush & Dick were questioned for a whole thee hours, eh?  Oh well, I'm sure it wasn't a big deal...after all, they were in the Oval Office, where all serious questioning takes place.  And these two were in nice, cushy chairs in front of a fireplace...sounds more like a cordial chat than a questioning to me.  These guys had it soooo easy, it's almost criminal.  I would rather have seen them sweating and leaning forward to speak into a microphone like everyone else.

This one was big news at the time:  A U.S. contractor was fired for taking photos of military coffins.  We don't want our citizens to see the actual toll that this war takes on our soldiers, do we?  No, that would be bad.  Filtering the news is good.  Now shut up, grab the remote, and open up another beer like a model citizen.

Hooray for the folks in Inglewood, CA for telling Wal-Mart to piss off!  These supercenters only have one goal:  to suck the life out of all the small businesses in town and become the only place where people can shop.  I saw it happen in my own hometown, and it happens in towns all over the country.  Sometimes Wal-Mart does this, then closes the store for whatever reason, leaving the area's economy to wither on the vine because there's nowhere for people to buy the things they need.  But it's all just business to them, nothing more.  More towns need to say NO to Wal-Mart and other megastore companies.  Small businesses can do just fine on their own, thank you.

Here's further proof that some people belonging to a certain faith really need to suppress their violent tendencies.  I mean, whipping the Easter Bunny in front of children as part of a church "show"?  What the hell kind of message is that??  It just goes to show how some people have twisted Christianity into something sinister and threatening.  God is not about violence and fear, no matter what these whack-jobs say and do.

The Dark Ages are alive and well in Rhea County, Tennessee.  These people actually want to ban homosexuals from living there.  "We need to keep them out of here," says one official.  Actually, I have a better idea.  Let's just build a nice big wall around your little shithole county so you'll be free to live isolated and ignorant.  You can keep inbreeding and producing hateful, ignorant little spawn who will grow up to be hateful, ignorant adults.  We'll call it the Zoo for Morons and charge people admission to come watch you in all your evil, hate-filled glory.  Sound like a plan?

Oh, I just love it when companies like Coca-Cola are immensely embarrassed.  Not only is their Dasani water not "mountain spring water" (it's common filtered tapwater), but their process of adding "essential minerals" actually adds some toxic, cancer-causing elements.  Isn't that rich?  I'm extremely entertained watching them squirm their way through this one, oohhhhh yes!

This highly amusing article appeared on Salon.com... Apparently Starbucks thinks that some people out there need special help with ordering a drink, so they're spelling it all out in a special instruction manual.  I must confess that the first time I stepped into a Starbucks on my first day as a Seattle resident, I took one look at the menu and froze like a deer in headlights.  With several people waiting in line behind me, I thought to myself, fuck it...I'm getting a chai tea.  I'll deal with the coffee thing later.  But eventually I dove in and ordered a latte, and answered the questions when they came up (What size?  Milk or soy?  Any flavor?).  It really wasn't so bad.  Does it require an instruction manual?  I don't think so, but maybe Starbucks feels that they're losing some potential customers who are too terrified to order anything.  I'd love to see this book... I've noticed that their menus have changed as well, they're arranged into a step-by-step process, which is actually kind of helpful.

Oh, that Bush...he's such a kidder!  Joking about WMDs during a media dinner, pretending to look around his office and not finding them.  Now, that's funny!  It's even funnier when you consider the hundreds of U.S. troops who have been killed because of his bullshit reasons for going to war.  Yeah, that's a RIOT!

Wow, this study says that bad eating habits are eventually going to overtake tobacco as a leading cause of death in our country.  I absolutely believe it.  Like the article says, we're eating ourselves to death, and people don't seem to mind.  Here, little Bobby, have another hamburger...

Isn't this hysterical?  Some tickets for Mel Gibson's bloodbath film "The Passion of the Christ" had the number 666 printed on them.  How can you not enjoy such a delicious coincidence??

All these viruses which are causing so much havoc in our email systems are the product of whiny little programmers with a preschool mentality and penis-size issues, as this story shows us.  They're trying to outdo each other with all this virtual posturing...it's just pathetic, and we're the ones who suffer for it.

Masonic rituals are known for their violent, sadomasochistic nature, and this time some poor sap paid the ultimate price for it.  Would you let a 76-year-old fart wearing a fez point a gun at you?

George Carlin had a few things to say about Nipplegate.  He said much more to Salon.com which was more interesting, but it's always good to hear from him about silly current events.

Wow, some people in Paris are really becoming a thorn in marketers' sides.  They're vandalizing advertisements in the subways...even little old ladies are getting in on the action.  I envy that...if I had the balls (and the time), I'd go around doing stuff like this too.

This is absolutely outrageous:  our own Defense Secretary actually kept a piece of 9/11 wreckage as a souvenir!  Jesus!  Why isn't this man being charged with removal of evidence from a crime scene or something?  Oh, wait...his crowd is above the law.  I almost forgot.  I'm sure the families of those killed in the attacks will understand.

Wow, this is absolutely fascinating:  a journalist actually confessing that he and his media brethren are guilty of handling the Iraq War coverage like amateurs by swallowing whatever the government told them and not checking facts or asking difficult questions.  They misled the public, manipulated their emotions with sensationalism, and took whatever Bush's gang said as the gospel truth.  Too bad he's pretty far down on the journalistic ladder...you'll never hear one of the big network hotshots saying anything like this.  Nope, too much truth involved.

What?  Fructose is linked to obesity?  You don't say!  Yeah, no shit.  When you see "high fructose corn syrup" as one of the first three ingredients in something you're about to eat, just remember that you're eating something drenched in pure sugar.  From lips to the hips, baby...that's what it boils down to.  And this is what people feed their kids on a daily basis.  The scum who market this junk to kids aren't innocent, either...they are a major part of the problem and they need to take some responsibility.  But as long as people keep buying this crap and eating it, nothing will change.

February 2004

OK, I know how passionate Mac users are about their computers.  No, it goes beyond passionate.  It's downright cultish.  I should know, because I used to be a Mac person myself for years.  But a couple of years ago, I let it go and moved on.  Today I read this story and was just astonished at the venom coming from these Mac users, directed at some poor guy who decided to have a little fun.  He claimed that he gutted his new G5 Mac and converted it to a PC.  It's a joke.  But these homicidal Mac users didn't think it was so funny.  What sad, pathetic little people.

January 2004

Just how someone can read a story like this and not see how unfair the whole "gay couples don't need benefits" argument is.  I know a lot of people out there don't really consider us human, in a way...but that's their problem, and we're not gonna let this issue go, oh no.

It's about time that people got fed up with asshole advertisers shoving junk in their faces.  This story suggests a kind of "revolt" among the web surfers who want pop-ups and their ilk stopped NOW.

Looks like Brazil is cracking down on us obnoxious Americans... First a pilot gave the security camera the finger and was detained, and now this guy doused a crying baby with water and he's being deported.  I've gotta admit, though, there have been times when I've felt like doing something like this during a flight filled with the shrieking little poo-geysers.  Thankfully I'm not the type who gets drunk during flights and acts out on this sort of thing. :)

Oh, this is just too funny.  The guy who wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete is retiring, and he said something to Bill Gates that ol' Bill didn't find too amusing.  I guess once you reach the multi-billion-dollar point, your sense of humor turns to a pillar of salt or something.

I just can't believe what comes out of the mouths of some people in positions of authority.  This judge, for example, had the audacity comment about a rape victim, "Why would he want to rape her?"  And wait till you see his photo. :)  Pot, meet kettle.

Can you eat three meals a day at McDonald's for a month?  I'm sure you think you can, but this guy tried it for a documentary, and his health took a sharp nosedive.  The best part is that McDonald's refuses to make any acknowledgment that their food is, in fact, crap.  "Consumers can achieve balance in their daily dining decisions by choosing from our array of quality offerings and range of portion sizes to meet their taste and nutrition goals," they said.  Translation:  "you can eat here every day and still have a quality diet.  He just didn't do it right."  Oh, please.

The headline of this story says so much:  "U.S. Eyes Space as Possible Battleground."  Isn't that just like the military?  Take something exciting and unexplored and find a way to control it for your own petty need to be all-powerful.  There are things in this universe bigger than America and its military, folks, and space exploration will prove that.  If something outside our own planet threatens us, we'll respond.  But let's not start aiming space-lasers back at our own planet.

The headline of this one speaks for itself as well...we're going to keep looking for those nonexistent WMDs.  Nevermind the cost and futility of it...Bush will not admit that he lied about them, so he'll keep looking and looking until we've forgotten all about them and the next phony crisis comes to light.

This woman was fired from her job at the ski resort where she worked, because she wrote this cruel and highly entertaining article about what it's like instructing Joe Public and his spawn in the fine art of snowboarding.  This is one "snowboard whore" with an attitude!

Yay, looks like Keiko's grave may become toxic...after all those poor kids went through all that work to make him a nice burial mound and everything.  Isn't that great??

Why do I find this so goddamn funny?  These guys in Poland were reprimanded for having a little too much New Year's fun...and pouring champagne down the gullet of a giant pike fish.  HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!  Sorry, I just look at the photo and have to laugh.  I mean, it's cruel...at least, it may be.  Who knows?  They said the fish wasn't doing so well anyway, but...HAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!

Some politician wants to tackle an issue greater than the Iraq War, racial strife, corrupt CEOs, and gay marriage all rolled up into one:  dirty words.  That's right...he wants to ban dirty words on T.V.  And yet, I'm sure he's just fine with all the violence being broadcast to the public.  And all those deceptive advertisements which outright lie about their ability to change your life with the simple purchase of a product, as well as all the garbage directed at America's kids...I'm sure all that is perfectly OK to him.  But those dirty, evil words have just GOT to go!

Like, what do you know?  Britney Spears, like, was married for a couple of days and stuff before, like, getting divorced and junk.  But she now says, you know, that she "totally believes in the sanctity of marriage" and stuff.  Like, cool, Britneh!

Oh, heaven forbid that some dork in plaid golf pants should feel uncomfortable on his precious waste of land (a.k.a. golf course) because some harmless homeless guy has been living there for the past 40 years.  Can you believe that?  These golf morons need to get off their country-club high horses (golf carts) and feel a shred of compassion.  If he hasn't hurt anyone in 40 years, why would he start now?

This is big news, at least to Gulf War vets.  A recent British study shows that Gulf War Syndrome can be traced back to injections given to British soldiers before they went off to war.  Now, isn't that interesting?  And if similar results were to come from a study done on our troops, do you think for one minute that the media would be allowed to know?  Yeah, right.  The military wants to be appear innocent, period.

Do you think that obesity is a huge problem in our world right now, especially in our own country?  Well, the White House doesn't appear to think so.  They're disagreeing with the approach taken by a new study from the W.H.O. which, among other things, points a finger at certain foods as being BAD for your weight, and criticizes the advertising of such foods aimed at children.  Bush doesn't like the idea of singling out certain foods like that.  Why?  Because all those folks in the beef and fast food industry won't like it if he goes along with something logical like that.  And since Bush and his cronies are all for big business, no matter what price is to be paid, they will oppose anything that singles out certain foods as bad for the diet.  They have a point about more physical exercising being needed, but let's not forget the food.

Oh my GOD!  The same chemicals responsible for the "runner's high" are linked to a marijuana high!  There's only one way to stop this from bringing our great country to its knees:  ban running.  That's right...no more jogging, no more sprinting.  Just walk if you're going to be out and about.  And if you're caught running, a mandatory prison sentence of at least three months.  That'll teach those addicts!!

Here's another file for the "No shit!" file:  most recent spam is not compliant with the wussy new federal laws regulating spam.  These people will not stop because a law says to.  We must use technology and other means to stop their garbage from taking over our networks.

This guy really got a bad deal...he yelled at a bunch of idiot teens who were cruising around town playing their loud thumpy music, and the court says he is to blame for disturbing the peace!!  And I don't buy these guys' claim that they were "scared" as they drove away.  Bullshit.  And WHY is this story calling them "children"?  If they're old enough to drive, they're not children.

Do you hate your job?  Not as much as this guy.  Read this excellent story from Salon.com and see how lucky you are to have your shitty job. :)  Also read the reader feedback...it's pretty interesting as well.

Great news!  All you folks in Iraq will now be able to fully enjoy the sugary, nutrition-free joy of Pepsi Cola.  Yes, Pepsi is looking to relaunch its line of soft drinks with full fanfare in Iraq, because everyone knows that the Great Pepsi Draught during Saddam's reign has caused much misery amongst his people.  Down with dictators, up with sugerwater!  Praise Allah 'n' stuff!

OK, can we PLEASE let Keiko the friggin' whale rest in peace??  Jesus!  These people are acting like this whale cured diseases, ended world hunger, stopped the aging process, and discovered life on Neptune!  It's a WHALE.  Yes, I'm sure he was a nice whale, and I'm sure he had a kind soul and all that.  But come on...a burial mound?  Why don't these kids just build a great flaming funeral pyre and throw themselves onto it?  Get it over with and get on with your lives, people.

Once upon a time, Daddy Bush got waged war on a country full of brown people and blew it to bits.  But for some reason, he couldn't quite finish the job...the country's leader couldn't be captured.  People called Daddy Busy a wimp, and he never forgot that.  Years later, Junior Bush is made President.  Daddy Bush tells Junior Bush that he'd better finish the job of blowing up all those brown people, because nobody likes to look like a wimp...do they?  So Junior Bush nodded and did what he was asked, planning and scheming long before he was even made President.  Then he came up with lots of scary reasons to wage war in order to get the public's approval, and by the time the first bombs began to drop on the bad and good brown people, he knew that he was gonna make Daddy Bush proud and nobody would call him a wimp ever again.  The end.

Oh, like we didn't know this ho was lying about losing that lottery ticket.  Gurl, you ain't foolin' nobody.

Colin Powell's quote in this story struck me as a weak defense of the Iraq war:  "I have not seen smoking gun, concrete evidence about the connection, but I think the possibility of such connections did exist and it was prudent to consider them at the time that we did."  Translation:  We're America, and we need a good excuse to bomb the living shit out of this country and bring our wounded ego back up to snuff.  And now, guess what?  It turns out that Bush had planned this war before he was even elected President!  Well, now...are you surprised?

Give these rascals a gold star!  I don't know why this is so funny, but it just cracks me up...  A couple of guys with some sort of radio device were broadcasting on a Burger King menu box, telling people they're too fat to eat Whoppers, and other fun things.  I feel sorry for the poor soul at the order window, but it's still damn funny. :)

It's nice to see that big companies are getting very serious about stopping spam...and it's a nice surprise to see them getting interested in another thing that plagues us:  spyware.  This stuff is absolutely evil, and it's finally getting more into the mainstream consciousness.  People are paranoid about spam, and they should be even more paranoid about this stuff!

Newsflash:  Football players who hit each other are essentially crash victims!  No shit!  Next story!

December 2003

November 2003

Well, the post-Thanksgiving shopping stampedes are well underway, with millions of consumer cattle flooding the nation's malls and superstores to buy the latest Christmas shit at bargain prices.  Who cares if the happen to trample someone in their endless mooing quest for merchandise?  Getting the last "Foot Fetish Elmo" at the local Wal-Mart is the only thing that matters, right??

UPDATE on the trampled Wal-Mart shopper!  Looks like this isn't the first time she's been "injured" while shopping, especially at Wal-Mart.  My, isn't this interesting.  Those shopping cattle still should have stopped to help, but if she put herself in that position intentionally, then she deserved what she got.  And now her face has been broadcast all over the world, so I'm guessing that it will be quite difficult to pull this scam again.

This is certainly interesting:  apparently the Atkins Diet is wreaking major havoc on the bread industry as people begin cutting out the things that are making them fat...namely, empty carbohydrates.  Personally, I've been doing the low-carb thing since April and have lost almost 20 lbs.  Looks like other people are getting similar results with it, which is a good thing.  Unless you're a breadmaker, of course.

OK, it's obvious that our President ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I think some people are being a little too sensitive in this case.  Folks in Nevada are pissed off because Bush pronounced the name of their state wrong.  That's right...this actually made the Associated Press.  Come on, people...let's focus on REAL news, not this nitpicky crap.  So he didn't say it exactly the way you say it...get over it.

KFC is catching some well-deserved heat for their absurd "our food is healthy!" commercials.  Yes, chicken is healthy...but not if you leave the skin on and fry it up in fat.  This ad campaign is beginning to backfire in a big way.  Everyone giggle in delight with me!

More reports that Jessica Lynch is disturbed by the way the military has been portraying her capture and rescue to the media.  Just when you think they couldn't sink any lower, the find a way to let a little more water out of the pool.

More dumb news from the fast food biz:  looks like Kentucky Fried Chicken is actually making the claim that their deep-fried food "can be part of a healthy, balanced diet."  Sure, any fast food is OK in moderation, but the way this ad is described by the author of this excellent article, it appears that KFC is trying to say that their food should be more than an occasional indulgence.  The scary part is the number of sheeple out there who will believe it and use it as an excuse to eat buckets o' grease in the name of good health.  Yes, some people really are that dumb. :)

McJob Update:  Looks like McDonald's can stop whining, 'cause this word is staying in the dictionary.  Looks like Ronald is a sad clown now...

I just cannot believe this.  Or can I?  A federal judge ruled that 17 soldiers who were imprisoned and tortured in Iraq are entitled to compensation out of frozen Iraqi assets.  But our beloved President doesn't want them to get anything.  He wants to feed that money back into this bullshit "reconstruction."  These guys put their lives on the line because Bush said to...they were burned, beaten, and threatened with castration.  Zillions of dollars are sitting there in frozen assets, and giving them a little extra cash for their trouble would hurt nobody...but no, we can't have that.  'Cause Daddy Dubya says no.  This is a guy who dressed up and pretended to land on an aircraft carrier for a photo op, and who hasn't actually served in the military.  What a dirty rotten bastard.

Why do we keep hearing about some nutball lady with hundreds of cats in her house?  What in the world is it that makes a woman (and it's a woman 95% of the time for whatever reason) want to feed and keep all these cats, even though they have severe health problems?  Why???

This is sooooo rich.  McDonald's is actually offended that the latest Merriam-Webster dictionary contains the word McJob, which is slang for "low paying and dead-end work."  Well, unless your life goal is to manage a McDonald's restaurant, this is pretty much what you're stuck with:  a job that goes nowhere and pays McShit.  Oh well.

OK, when a government is so uptight about "morals" that it's willing to throw its own citizens into jail for kissing in public, I think a revolution is in order.

What?  America is getting fatter?  You don't say!  As scales now reach up to 1,000lbs and a slew of products is available to help the morbidly obese do everyday things that their fat prevents them from doing, I begin to wonder where it will end.  Before you know it, we'll be having to expand all the cemeteries to accommodate all those giant shipping crates that will be used for their coffins.

Well, now.  It looks like being a righteously angry American redneck country singer (is that redundant?) can really pay off these days.  Toby Keith has been nominated for seven Country Music Awards, YEEEE-HAWWWWW!  He's nominated for best single, best video, and best "vocal event."  What the hell is a "vocal event"?  Must be something that righteously angry American redneck country singers do.  Whatever.  Like countless other artists eager to jump on the Angry American™ bandwagon, he's done all he can to cash in on the post-9/11 anger with such sanctimonious songs as "Beer for My Horses" and "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue."  I've heard the lyrics, and they're, like, soooooo deep and stuff.  Like, he's talkin' about Miss Liberty shakin' her fist, and puttin' a boot up someone's ass...it's pure country gold!  Or pure horseshit, one or the other.

Once again, Uncle Sam steps in to save us from ourselves.  Apparently some of you naughty citizens have been getting your prescription drugs from Canada for up to 80% cheaper than American prices.  Shame on you!  Don't you know that these drugs aren't SAFE?  Even though Canadians are taking them and don't have any problems, you know how sneaky those people are...it's probably a plot to slowly kill us off with poisonous drugs.  So before you decide to save some extra food money and try to buy your prescription drugs from a cheaper Canadian source, remember that Big Brother is watching and will throw your pill-popping ass in jail if he catches you exercising your basic right of choice.  (Sigh...what a crock of shit.  If Canada sells drugs so cheaply, then I should have the right to buy them from Canada.  Or anywhere else I wish.  I guess the FDA would rather have someone choose between medicine and meals than admit that their stupid policies are inhumane.)

I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner.  Why in the world don't fast food restaurants put nutritional information right up there where you can see it?  I shouldn't have to go to the Taco Bell website to get nutritional information (though I've refused to eat Taco Bell's food for years).  Why not put it on the actual food cartons?  If all other food items in cans, bottles, and boxes are required to put nutritional info right on the label, why are fast food companies any different?  I'd love to see someone buy a Big Mac with a nutritional label slapped right there on the top where they can see how much fat, cholesterol, calories, and just plain grease they're about to suck down.

OK, I think I know all I need to know about fish, now that I know that some fish can fart.

Ooohhhhhh, I'm loving this whole Jessica Lynch thing.  She's finally speaking out about how the military has turned her into an involuntary cult hero by fabricating facts about her "rescue" from that Iraqi hospital.  Details about these lies came out a few months ago, but the military still won't confess that they used her as a PR tool to romanticize the latest Iraq war.  It's just laughable, and it shows us that the military and government are willing to lie about anything to justify their actions and give them a positive spin.

Looks like some faith-based organizations which are supported by taxpayer money aren't being very Christian.  This one in particular has decided that it doesn't want to hire any Jews or gays.  Oh yes, I think Jesus would approve of that kind of open-faced discriminatory nonsense, don't you?  And now they're going to lose their funding if they don't change their evil ways and start treating everyone, not just straight Christians, like human beings.

We all know that the Pentagon routinely wastes our money without a second thought.  It's not their money, after all, so they just don't care.  But this is just too much:  68,000 commercial flights costing $120+ million which should have been coach class but instead were expensive premium tickets.  And, like so many other wasteful things purchased by military and government officials, they were charged to seemingly limitless government credit cards.  I think these people ought to spend a few months in jail for such blatant abuse, what do you think?

Here's an interesting story about how tots are acting more like teens lately, and someone is actually connecting T.V. with this behavior.  I absolutely believe that by watching too much T.V., kids can grow up to be shallow, angry, materialistic, fearful, and unhappy with themselves.  This is what T.V. teaches us, after all:  fear the world, be unsatisfied with yourself, and by all means find happiness and meaning in limitless consumerism.  And I can just picture these millions of children sitting in front of their T.V. sets like little empty vessels waiting to be filled with harmful, hateful garbage.

Strange...I can't seem to find any stories in the U.S. media (online, at least) about this guy who's suing the U.S. for his inhumane treatment as a "suspected terrorist" at the U.S. military prison Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  But it's all over the BBC and other networks.  Isn't that interesting?  I suppose our media will pick up on it weeks down the road, slipping it in right at the end of the broadcast or down in some unknown corner of a newspaper.

This story brings up an excellent question: why won't our media won't allow us to see footage of the chopper crash victims as they're brought home for burial?  I'm not talking about graphic photos of the remains, but just the coffins.  Why is that?  Is it to keep our country from fully realizing the brutal realities of war?  People are dying over there every day, and all we see of them are old photos of them smiling and happy.  Where are the coffins, the body bags?  War isn't about soft, pretty pictures of people in uniform or with their families.  It's about death and devastation.  That's the whole nature of war, and I think we're being shielded from it.  Of course, our government pretended to have a moral dilemma when it came to releasing photos of Saddam's sons, but everyone knew they'd do it.  It's good press.  "Look what we did, we bagged a couple o' evildoers!"  Yes, that's all fine & dandy...but let's not forget how many dozens of OUR people have been bagged as well.

Are these people insane?  The cult of child-worship rears its ugly head again as some anti-drug group out there thinks that millions of children are going to suddenly get hooked on sucking helium because they saw a puppet do it in a commercial.  A couple of things here: 1) Helium is not a drug. You can inhale it, yes. But how high does it rank amongst inhalant-related deaths every year?  That's what I thought.  2) Even if helium were a "drug", where do you think highly-impressionable tots are going to get it?  It's not like helium tanks are a common household item, unlike aerosol cans that are usually used for snortin'.  3) You "save the children" folks need to stop crying wolf and focus on the REAL threats to children: parents who raise their kids to hate others and eat unhealthy food, the intense barrage of advertising targeted at kids, and bad Disney animated sequels.

Oh, this is just too much fun.  Following in the footsteps of absurd boycott groups like PABAAH, the NRA thought it would jump on the boycott bandwagon and create a blacklist of people who are openly anti-gun.  "We won't see your movies because you're anti-gun!  Yeah, that'll show 'em!" Wrong-o.  Amusingly, many stars who were initially left off the list have been begging to be put ON it!  Personally, I think that people ought to be able to own a handgun for defense purposes, which I know is something the NRA supports.  But assault rifles? Hmmm...I'm not so sure, but it's been a while since I've debated that one.  Anyway, in the meantime I enjoy watching stuff like this.

Mysterious signals... Unusual sounds... UFOs?  Secret encrypted spy transmissions?  Nope, just a horny ram scratching himself on a government communications antenna.  This is such a good story. :)

I got quite a good laugh out of this story about a kid who was smacked by a bus driver because he kept saying "penis."  The kid's defense is even funnier!!

Well, well, well!  Now that our armed forces have beat the living shit out of yet another country, our ravenous corporations are ready to swoop down and carve up the place amongst themselves for as much profit as they can muster.  And gee, I just can't image who made all this wonderful greedy activity possible!  Yes, we're always willing to "rebuild" a country after we've completely trashed it, as long as it means lots of expensive contracts with bloodsucking corporations.

Oh, and speaking of that Iraq war thing... Our beloved President gave a speech today after news broke that 16 troops were killed in a chopper crash caused by a shoulder-launched missile.  "America will never run," he says.  Translation:  "Pulling out now would mean I'm a wussy little wimp."  Bush is terrified of looking like a wimp and taking the risk that someone out there will question the size of his pee-pee.  But this is a perfect example of our culture in action:  we just don't know when enough is enough.

Looks like AT&T is about to be fined almost $800,000 for violating the new Do-Not-Call rules.  Ohhhh yes.  This totally made my day!  Anything to show that the FCC means business with this stuff.  You telemarketers out there can just crawl back under whatever slimy rock you came out from.

Are firemen really "heroes"?  This is something that has crossed my mind a few times but I never gave it much serious thought.  That's why I was really interested in this article which lays out some very good reasons why maybe we should reconsider that particular label.  It's surely not a popular opinion, but you have to admit that he makes some good points!

Awww, what a shame.  A non-profit group which claims to have successfully converted homosexuals into heterosexuals won't be able to put their ludicrous advertising up in D.C. Metro stations because the city is making them pay for it.  "It's a very sad day for non-profits," says this group's executive director.  No, it's a sad day for your moronic and dangerous group of delusional religious zealots, that's all.

The celebrity gossip shows like Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood are whipped into a frenzy as they portray this California wildfire tragedy as a made-for-T.V. event.  They show all the usual footage of rampaging flames and destroyed homes while the announcer retains his "excited about Britney's new release" tone of voice...it's just disgusting.  Do they show ANY concern?  Yes, about as much as they would for an update on last weekend's low box-office returns.  However, they DO get very animated when going on and on and on and on and on (and on) about celebrity homes in danger, as well as popular T.V. show sets.  Forget about all those mere mortals whose homes are being torched daily...the gossip-mongers have to keep the public up-to-date on which celebrities can see the fire from their terrace swimming pools.  For shame.

Another tragedy strikes as Disney learns that their new self-destructing DVD rental system is the stupidest idea since DivX a few years ago.  But what else to expect from a company whose spokesman is a gutter-dwelling rodent?

McDonald's isn't fooling anybody with their "new" McNuggets which are now 100% white meat.  Who cares what kind of meat it is if they're still a high-fat food with little nutritional value?

American propaganda gets a glossy, high-fashion finish with the unleashing of Hi Magazine upon the unsuspecting Iraqi public. Sorry, but Hi is not enough.  This "window on American culture" is a thinly-veiled attempt at trying to convince Iraq youth that we're hip, we're sexy, and we'll pretty much do whatever we want in the name of righteousness, money, oil, and whatever other self-interest we can come up with. 'Cause we're AMERICA, baby, and we're down with Arabs, yo!

Oh great, we're about to be bombarded by a bunch of crappy products with "shock and awe" in their names. The Marketing Scum don't waste a minute, do they?

Here are some stories from earlier in the year that I saved but never got around to commenting on. :)

Jesus wants you to work out.  Yeah, baby.  That Lord wants you to SWEAT.  Build up those holy abs and tighten that righteous ass, 'cause when Jesus gets back he's gonna make you drop and give him 20!  (Or 33, if he's in a mood.)

Well, well, well...Abercrombie & Fitch have put their perfectly-shaped model feet in their mouths again.  And look, we finally have a photo of one of the offending T-shirts.  Lovely, isn't it?  No, nothing racist about that...everyone knows that all Asians have laundry and dry-cleaning businesses.  Yes, I know it's a stereotype, and there is a nugget of truth to be found in all stereotypes (that's where they come from, after all), but putting one on a shirt and selling it?  Not a good idea.

Advertisements for "Celebrate Life Sweepstakes" have been appearing in Seattle area cemeteries (and other places around the country).  That's right, apparently no place is safe from the Marketing Scum...  A bunch of locals finally got fed up with it and forced the cemetery company to remove them.  Why didn't they just go ahead and put ads on top of hearses and blinking neon signs on headstones?  Evil, evil people.

That infamous Cubs fan made an apology recently for his mortal sin of upsetting a lot of rabid, rampaging, animalistic baseball fans.  I thought it was hysterical watching adult men & women act like this man's actions were worse than a thousand WTC attacks.  There's just something entertaining about watching people mortally wounded over meaningless things.

Dear God, why?  Why do you smite us so?  Why do you allow such things to happen?  Why did you think it was necessary for the Olsen Twins to start selling their own toothpaste?  Have we somehow offended you more than usual?  Do we need to apologize for Pat Robertson and Jesse Jackson yet again??

Holy shit, AOL is getting desperate.  They're now resorting to paying radio personalities to casually mention AOL several times a day while on the air, without mentioning that it's a commercial.  It's stealth advertising, and it's EVIL.  But, as always, money talks...AOL can apparently afford to pay these people to blur the lines in order to boost their declining membership.  The time is nigh for AOL to go down in flames once and for all...

Arizona recently passed an anti-discrimination law, which is always like kicking an anthill:  stand back and watch the Christian conservative groups whip themselves into a mouth-foaming frenzy.  Ain't fairness fun?

What?  College binge-drinking is linked to marketing?  Oh, come now...that can't possibly be true.  Nobody in college really drinks that much beer...

As much as I loathe Disney, I did get a kick out of its no-fly zone which prevents anti-gay whackjobs from flying hateful banners over Disneyland.  Yeah, we're all going to Hell in a rotating teacup.

A resort for grotesquely fat tourists?  Dear God, I can only pray that I don't get shipwrecked there someday.  Although I wouldn't have to worry about food...

Bush's ever-tightening grip on our privacy and freedom of information is now tightening on academia.  Gone are the days of unhindered research and innovation, folks.

Irreplaceable ancient history falls in the name of building a hotel.  Ah, progress. and the reckless humans who screw it up.

Oh...my...GOD.  The New Testament is about to be given a makeover.  Get ready for Revolve, the Bible for teen girls.  Yes, once again some clueless Christians are trying to reach the teen market by trying to combine the sacred & holy with the vacuous & stupid.  Salon.com recently featured a great article titled Jesus is My Crush which really goes into some fun detail...

Woohoo, another tale from the wild, untamed sports world.  In this one, a member of the Giants herd attacks and kills a member of the Dodgers herd.  Isn't wildlife fascinating??

You mean all that bad news about the latest Iraq War ain't right?  Uh-huh.  Bush is trying to get around the "media filter" and push his propaganda unhindered.