A Compassionate Conservative speaks!

From my Guestbook:

August 19th 2004
01:58:47 AM
Wow, you're a real moron. I love your ridiculous attacks on the right wing.....douchebag. Here's a tip, next time you're tempted to stick bin Laden in the Bush camp remember it was John Kerry that was about ready to hand our country over to the USSR. Now peddle your left wing hate elsewhere. For the record there is nothing wrong with nationalism (you seem to attack it in your Charlie Daniels criticism). Look I'm sure you're sophisticated and from Seattle and you listen to Lilith Fair music. Good for you, but seriously......shut the **** up nobody cares and Bush will win in 2004

It must be stopped!!

Wasn't "Catwoman" enough punishment for the moviegoing public?  How does this mindless twaddle even get a budget?  Do the studios think we'll watch anything??  (Apparently, we will.)

OK, this is one of the stupidest uses of MP3 music player technology I've ever seen.  A jacket that plays music?  With built-in headphones?  For $700?  They've got to be kidding.  Like I wanna be walking down the street fiddling with the sleeve of my jacket, trying to find the right song.  Plus, for that much money, it had better a lot more than 128MB...you won't get many songs in there with that.  But all that is beside the point:  this is a pointless blend of technology and clothing (!) with no real purpose, since cheaper and better players are all over the market (granted, they aren't embedded in clothing).  This is a product created purely because some geek or marketing guy thought it would be a good idea...not because there's a demand for it.  Don't we have a little too much crapola on the market like this?

Maybe I'll go back another time and see if she's got a different one with more creative spelling. - 7/04

"Sivits is believed to have taken some of the photos that triggered the worldwide scandal over America's treatment of Iraqi prisoners. His father, Daniel Sivits, said last month that his son 'was told to take a picture and he did what he was told.' " - AP Story (5/9/04)

"...she really wasn't involved. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." - Destiny Goin, friend of abuser Pfc. Lynndie R. England

"...we're going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time. You know, these people are being fired at every day. I'm talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release? You of heard of the need to blow some steam off?" - Rush Limbaugh, 5/4/04

12 Reasons Why Homosexual Marriage
Should Not Be Legal
By the GatorGSA

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children.  Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion.  In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.  That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior.  People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home.  That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society.  Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer life spans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional.  Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

Pucker Up

I got this spam a few months ago and almost deleted it, but I thought it might be worthy of ridicule someday.  It's very simple...a webhosting company sent its sales-slaves out trolling for new clients.  Their mission:  take a casual trip through a potential client's website and send them an email complimenting them on its design in hopes of convincing them to switch services.  Note how he unexcitedly runs through a laundry of list of my Nina Hagen site's basic features before launching into the sales pitch.  It's amusing, and also a bit pathetic...imagine being one of these guys who has to write up hokey emails to complete strangers and try to sound convincingly impressed.  I realize that the marketing biz is all about survival of the fittest, but at the cost of personal dignity?  "Wow, the colors on your site are amazing!  And the menus...I mean, wow.  The navigation is just--and I mean this, now--magnificent.  May I kiss your ass, sir?  Please?  I really want to.  Let me just nuzzle up between those cheeks and plant a big fat slobbery one right where it counts, because I'll do anything to service the account, absolutely anything!"

Date: Sat, 9 Aug 2003 13:14:45 +0530 (IST)
From: tjoshua@addr.com
To: xxxxxxx@ninahagenshrine.com
Subject: Comments on your website ' Nina Hagen Electronic Shrine '

Hello,

I visited your website Nina Hagen Electronic Shrine. The content, design and ease of navigation are top-shelf and it is obvious how much thought and work went into its development. This site is an effective medium to promote your services. This site is a comprehensive fan site featuring song clips, photos, lyrics, videos, stories of Nina sightings, links and mailing list information. The concert tours are well presented on the site. I liked the various lyrics given on the site. The content and layout of the site is fabulous. The black and blue color combinations used on the site make it all the more attractive. I appreciate your efforts that has resulted in this well made website. In this context I feel that the following offer would be of considerable interest to you.

I work in the marketing department of ADDR.COM (ADDR.COM is a professional web hosting and web design provider currently servicing over 60,000 customers) and if you would be interested in trying our services, I can offer you a full year of hosting for your site http://www.totalobscurity.com/nina/ completely free of charge.

[More marketing crapola snipped]

Thanks!

With Best regards,
Terrence Joshua
tjoshua@addr.com
www.addr.com

Playlist:  Kicked in the Shins by Love

Recently Single?  Got the Loved & Lost Blues?  Try some music therapy!
(Click titles to play - Windows Media format - The lyrics are a must)

I Know It's Over - The Smiths [Lyrics]
Fantastic lyrics...I think the same thing when I climb into my empty bed:  "Oh well."  Nothing I can do.

My Immortal - Evanescence [Lyrics] - UPDATED
This is an incredibly difficult song to listen to...sometimes I feel like I live this song (with some minor differences).  I was just floored when I read the words.

Single - Everything But The Girl [Lyrics]
She's asking some hard questions that I've asked as well.  "How am I without you?  Am I more or less myself?  Do you like being single?"

Bitter Pill - Annie Lennox [Lyrics]
This is a good one for when I'm feeling pissy and, yes, a little bitter at the situation (minus the "you mean nothing to me" bit, since I don't feel that way).  She nails these feelings exactly in her words, even in the way she sings them.

Love is a Catastrophe - Pet Shop Boys [Lyrics]
A strikingly dreary song, darker than anything I've heard from them.  I do have days when I feel exactly like the lyrics describe, but I'm not proud to admit it.  But those drama queen clouds eventually pass.

Train Wreck - Sarah McLachlan [Lyrics]
Rescuers may apply within...

Unforgotten - They Might Be Giants [Lyrics]
An unusually sad song from the Giants.  Not asking to be taken back, just asking to not be left behind.

Loneliness - Annie Lennox [Lyrics]
Another good one from Annie...she really knows how to say it.

Less Than Love is Nothing - Jonatha Brooke [Lyrics]
She's right, you know.  But unfortunately love is not enough sometimes.

BookedSpace is a company is so evil that its "corporate website" consists of a blurb about how you should love them...along with a tool for removing their hellish, parasitic spyware from your PC.  They obviously got so many complaints and bad press about their assholery that they put this up to placate everyone who wants to be rid of them.  Their crap is installed by other evil companies who bundle it with their software, and you never know it's there until your computer becomes hijacked by pop-ups and spam.  My friend Scott went through hell with this, and it took him days to regain control of his PC.  Here are some articles and removal instructions for this ShitWare...  (Can you tell I hate spyware? :)

• http://www.doxdesk.com/parasite/BookedSpace.html
• http://sarc.com/avcenter/venc/data/adware.bookedspace.html
• http://www.pestpatrol.com/PestInfo/b/bookedspace.asp
• http://www.kephyr.com/spywarescanner/library/bookedspace/index.phtml

My apologies for being so absent from the site lately.  I've had my mind on other matters, but they're very personal and I never talk about that sort of thing here.  Who really wants to read about that stuff?  But someone recently asked me why not...it's my site after all, and maybe getting it off my chest would help.  Hmmm.  Well, OK then.  It goes against my better judgment to get this personal, but here's the deal:  recently the most loving, fulfilling relationship I have ever had came to an end.  My partner of (almost) two years wanted to be on his own, for reasons I still don't fully understand.  Three months later, we're still friends but we live in separate places in different parts of town, and we don't see each other nearly as often.  Now I have a taste of what a true separation is like...it's more than just "breaking up."  I had to give up everything we shared, and the companionship, and (worst of all) the one I love...it's like being half a person at times.  He simply made me happier than anyone else ever has.  Was it always perfect?  No, and it's not supposed to be...but the good times far outweighed the difficult times, and the difficult times were not so bad that we couldn't work through them if we wanted to try together.  Anyway, he seems to be getting along just fine on his own, and there's no anger or hatred between us, so I guess I'm the one with The Problem.  It's always more difficult for the dumpee to move on than it is for the dumper.

So yeah, that's my deal.  My heart is broken and I don't know what the hell to do next.  And at times like this, I don't have much interest in updating my site with the usual stuff...it just doesn't seem important anymore.  Ironically, he was the one who suggested I post something about all this on here.  I just hope it doesn't freak him out and push him away when he reads it!  Maybe it's therapeutic...or is it just whining?  Sometimes I wonder if I'm just wallowing in self-pity, but surely there's more to it than that.

The following list is from a book which was recommended to me by a total stranger one day.  These are common indications that you are grieving about something, and when I read them they really struck a chord. *ding*  I'm going to summarize each one and then add some comments...

Push-Pull Effect:  You try to talk to friends and get close to them, but then you push them away when they get too close.  Check.  Part of me hates being alone while everyone else is out doing things, but sometimes I'm too emotional for company so I end up turning down offers to go out and do things.  Not always, but it happens.

Feeling emotionally drained and not sleeping:  Having trouble falling asleep at night, often waking up very early and being unable to get back to sleep.  Check.  I definitely have nights like this, at least once a week...I go to bed thinking about all these things, which keeps me from falling asleep for at least an hour since my brain won't shut up.  Then I wake up far too early and my mind is suddenly filled with these things again, and of course I can't fall back asleep.  So I'm an emotional wreck all day because that's what lack of sleep does to me...it ain't pretty.

Eating:  You may not have an appetite, or there's an empty feeling in your stomach but you don't feel hungry.  Check.  I know this exact feeling, it's directly tied to emotion and mood.  If I'm worried or upset about something, it feels like there's a ball of lead in my stomach...it's not hunger, just stress.  This isn't as constant as it was before I knew things were definitely over, but it resurfaces now and then.

Sighing often:  An indication of great grief.  It releases body tension and carries "feelings from the gut" that need release.  Double-check.  I find myself sighing a lot, mostly when I'm alone, even when I'm not thinking about The Problem.  I even notice myself doing it while I'm working.

Rapid mood changes:  You have moved from the black pits of grief and finally feel good, then without apparent reason you are emotionally distraught and are easily brought to tears, which makes you feel out of control.  Half-check.  I do have my peaks and valleys, though they're usually not so extreme that I'm "out of control."  Sometimes I am easily upset though.  Coffee helps. :)

Loss of reality:  Feeling detached from events happening around you, as if you're watching a movie.  Check.  I have lost interest in several things I'm usually passionate about...my website, music, movies, etc.  They've somehow taken a back seat to this new emptiness in my life.  I find myself saying over and over again, "Why bother doing this or that?  Who cares?  It doesn't matter."  I give less than a shit about what's happening with Bush vs. Kerry right now, or when Martha's going to jail, or who the next American Idol will be.  I just don't care...those things are less important to me than having to live without him.  Eventually this will pass, but right now it's a bummer.

Lack of contact with your emotions:  Am emotional numbness, perhaps because you don't trust yourself to control such strong emotions.  Check.  I do feel numb sometimes, as if I've felt so much sadness and regret that there's nothing left to feel.  But getting enough rest usually helps a lot, as well as more coffee.

Loneliness, lack of concentration, weakness and helplessness, depression, guilt, lack of interest in sex:  OK, sure.  Maybe not all of those all at once, but definitely a couple of those in combination from day to day.  I hate admitting that.

Anger:  A result of the apparent unfairness of the loss.  Yeah, maybe a bit of anger at the situation and end result, but I'm not exactly angry at him.  If he's happier without me, how can I be pissed at him for that?

Suicidal feelings:  Never.  I have my low days, but I'm never that low.

Don't you love Instant Messaging spams?
Here's one I got a while back and forgot to share.   I love talking back to them, even though it doesn't help any...

It's over.