Dick!

Skinny Model Thing

"Great site.  KILL 'EM ALL!!  Well-written opinions and HATE YOU ALL!!! thoughtful views on DIE DIE DIE!!! world events.  I'd recommend MORE BOMBS MORE BOMBS!!! this site to BURN 'EM ALIVE!!! my whole family DON'T FUCK WITH ME, BASTARDS!!!"

"Dude, I'm a model.  And I'm thin.  Yeah.  I got bones stickin' out.  Can't keep a sandwich down.  'Cause I gotta look hot.  And bony is hot.  Think I'm hot?  Yeah, thought so.  See my ribs?  They're hot too.  'Cause they stick out.  Yeah.  Pants keep falling down.  Hot & bony.  You wanna be me.  Hot, dude.  I'm so hungry......"

Gee Dubya Shrub

Cicada

"O.My.God.  This site is faaaabulous!  And that Ford Phallus thing?  Makes my nipples explode with delight!  I almost spilled my cosmo.  No, really!  Gurl, it's a good thing dear Bruce was nearby with a towelette 'cause I woulda been wet all over, mmmHmmm.  Keep it up, sweetybuns... and do stay in touch!"

"BZZZT!  Must mate!  BZZZT-BZZZT!  Waited 17 years!  ZZZZZZZZT!  Where female?  BZZZZ!   Must swarm!  BZZZZT!  Must annoy humans!  BZZZZZZTTTT!!"

Condoleeza Rice

Bailey the Beagle

"I hereby testify under oath that this site is indeed mildly entertaining in an absurd and decidedly anti-mainstream manner.  I also testify that Bush is innocent, Britney has genuine talent, and the Easter Bunny lives in my apartment building."

"Sniff!  I like site!  Yes!  Treat now?  Site good!
Silly things!  Sniff!  Where treat?  Poop soon!  Yes!
Sniff!  Lick!  Treat!  I pee on site!  Not much funny!"
(thanks to Heath Ward for the photo)

Glen Campbell

Mariah Carey

"This gol-darned site is the best fuggin thang on that there web, let me tell ya.  Better'n a hootenanny in a Portuguese cathouse, hooo-dawgy!  What?  Last call, my ass!"

"My music career may be, like, down the toilet...but my boobies just signed a contract with Sony!  Yeah!  Oh yeah, and, like, that website thing is, you know, um...cool and stuff.  How much are they paying me to say this again?"

James Brown

Spider-Man

"Hey!  I said, HEY!  You betta like this site!  Hey!  Or I'll smack ya face!  Smack it!  Uh-huh!  Smack it good!  Dat's right!  Like it!  Smack!  Come on!  HUhhh!"

"When I'm not out fighting crime and stuff, I like to crawl into my web and surf this site.  Ohhhh yeah, it gets this webslinger MOIST!"