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	More evidence of head abuse! They just tossed me into the dumpster and started to walk off, but when I started screaming at the top of my lungs they agreed to take me back. The stench was awful...but damn I'm cute! Reliving my childhood on the merry-go-round. Unfortunately, it was spinning so fast that I was eventually thrown off and landed face-first in the dirt. (Is that a metaphor for life or what?) This is NOT the best way to start out my album, but it just shows how STUPID my owners are. They dropped me on the pavement out of sheer contempt, then tried to roll over me with the car. This is HEAD ABUSE! When the guys first brought me home, they put me in the FRIDGE! Can you believe that? Not only was it cold in there, but my hair started to get frizzy. I was so pissed. They left me in there for almost TWO DAYS before remembering to take me out!! That cheese wasn't exactly spring fresh, either. For some reason I was thrown into a washing machine and put through the most hellish experience of my life. I almost didn't make it through the "spin" cycle, but us heads are tougher than you know. Of course, they had to throw me in the dryer next. Just try to imagine bouncing around inside a dark, hot, round little room for 45 minutes and you can imagine why I needed to go through therapy after this one! Oops! Damn, this one wasn't supposed to be in here. I thought I hid this one away... Well, too late. This was a surprise shot of me snuggling with someone very dear to me. It's really none of your business, so just move on... During those cold winters, I try to stay warm by hopping on the stove. I try to do this privately, but OF COURSE one of those guys had to bring a camera in. In this particular shot, one of them actually opened up a package of ramen and started boiling the NOODLES, for cryin' out loud! Can't a head have a little dignity?! This is NOT what it looks like! I don't even KNOW this guy! We just happened to be in the shower together...I was drunk from the Coors Cutter...really! I swear! Well, fine. I DID know the guy. Satisfied? But it was a one-time thing... I'm just too good for him. [Actually, her lack of body was a major turnoff. --TM] See how they treat me? They take me everywhere, fling me in peoples' faces, bang me against walls, dashboards, windows and floors, then they discard me like a cheap piece of plastic in the first garbage bin they come across. Such total disrespect for heads is disgusting. Just for kicks, they dropped me into a mailbox in another city and had me mailed back home. After three days and nights banging around in a postal truck, I arrived...with a major headache. Needless to say, I was ready to kick some ass. Now where did THIS one come from?? Is this Tawny's doing, hmmm? Damn it, she was always jealous of my hair... Yet another picture of me in bed, talking to Tawny on the phone. We were discussing...wait...whose hand is that? Who the HELL was holding the phone? What's going on here?? That sure isn't MY hand holding that phone! I'd better talk to Tawny about this... Is this any way to spend the evening? Riding around town on the tip of somebody's CB antenna?? Those guys really sank to a new low with this one. But they said the CB reception improved 300%. Those guys tried to use me to get some free soda...they made me crawl into the machine and retrieve the cans like some kind of dog. Well, as you can see things didn't work out as planned and we almost got arrested. Prison is no place for a head, believe me!! This just isn't funny. And the worst part was, the firefighters just stood around and laughed at me while that house burned to ashes. I'm so embarrassed... It's party time! New Year's Eve, 1994. I had a little too much of my special brew (moth broth...it's a long story) and was a real party animal. In fact, I think I chewed up several sweaters that night! Whew, I'm a little embarrassed, but we heads have a reputation for being a little wild...you should see me when I'm being dropped from a third-story balcony. Mmm-hmmm, I could tell you some stories, but I think you've seen about enough, thank you.
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